RECORD OF AWAKENINGS
October 29, 2023
Hi, sorry I didn't write much here, but this will be the last time, it all ends here,
all this suffering that I went through and put other people through will end today, I was such a good person...
This evil world full of Bad people ended me, today I'm worse than all of them...
I manipulate, I pretend not to know things and honestly,
I take pleasure in it, it's fucking hot for me to see people becoming bad and sinking into their own lies...
They dig their own grave, you know?
Little by little I became like this I saw so many bad people when I was in hell and I hate them
I hate the evil in the world but honestly I never met someone as good as me at pretending to be good.
I'm good?
I love seeing good people turn bad and I love participating in it even more.
I'm the biggest son of a bitch in this world.
I would make Jesus turn bad and I'd even make him feel guilty by showing that I'm good.
It all ends here.
You will have the privilege of knowing how,
at the moment I am writing this I am already high on pills, I have just seen a film with my father and mother that talks about manipulation and other subjects,
my mother loved it, she is a psychologist, I I hide it so well that I managed to plan everything without her even suspecting...
I'm loving doing this, but let's get to what's important.
I'm going to take off all my clothes,
then I'm going to lie down right in the middle of my room,
I'm a perfectionist so I'm going to be really centered under the light,
this one will be red and very dim,
I'm writing this with the intention of leaving it open on my computer page of my diary,
and when everything is ready and I'm lying down,
the music will be playing low on the computer because I don't want them to wake up during my plan,
I'll turn up this music when I'm finally next to my pills,
and all the blades that I have in my room,
I will feel with great pleasure the blade sliding across my neck and the blood running all over my body,
I will die slowly and painfully,
I will bleed to death and only then will I be free...
All this is because of bad people,
I will miss good people because of bad people and do you know why?
Because at some point I stopped being good.
October 27, 2023
Things are moving fast, even though I don't like it,
I'm intense as hell, at the same time I'm loving something
I could soon be hating it or simply have lost interest,
I always try to give things a value,
but maybe I I have given value to the wrong people throughout my life,
and now if I find the right person I can't value it
and I end up slowly leaving people's lives.
I became what I always hated, passing people,
maybe that's why lately I'm enjoying being alone so much, I sink into my own solitude,
into my own thoughts and get lost in myself, I like that, my head always has two sides,
so I usually enter into discussions with myself to reach some conclusion, I think this is good on the one hand,
it really stimulates my brain because I'm always thinking.
Loneliness makes me feel good deep down, and I end up not hurting anyone with this loneliness,
I hate hurting people but I can't avoid it, it's very hard for me to enter into the life
of someone who I see is nice and gets along a lot I feel good and knowing that probably in a few months
I won't even look that person in the eye when I pass them in the hallways,
maybe it will do me good to walk those hallways alone.
go back home